Monday, February 13, 2017

Fog On The Water


Everyday is different in the world of mental illness. I once thought that I knew when an episode was going to come on but I was in fact wrong. The other day I was just sitting on my couch watching a little television before work and went downhill. I'm not sure what happened but I became overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness and self pity. It became apparent that I was having an episode but in my mind I was justified in my feelings.

Feelings during a mental "breakdown" as some call it can be very persuasive to the host. These emotions no matter how ridiculous they my be to others are very real and convincing to the one having them. In time these feelings will pass and the clouded mind will clear enough for the individual to realize that things aren't quite as bad as they seemed before, but this can also lead to another episode of self pity and serious embarrassment.

I for one have had multiple episodes of hypomania and depression where I truly felt like my world was changing and not for the better. It was as if others had turned their backs on me or had betrayed me in some way that hurt me deeply. I felt like I was a victim of bullying and backstabbing. Of course when I calmed down and regained my right mind things weren't that bad but at the time it seemed real.

It's best describe as fog on a pond or lake, when the fog sets in you can't really see what is going on under it, but when it lifts the water is clear and fresh. An episode of bipolar works the same way, you begin to have delusional thoughts or feelings of extreme self worth or serious depression but when it's over things begin to get more clear.


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