Sunday, March 19, 2017
"Once Upon A Time" In My Brain
So tonight I was watching that show "Once Upon A Time" and the character Rumplestiltskin made a statement that made me think, he said "Once you give into the darkness it only brings loneliness." Wow, how true is that. When I feel sad and know it is leading into a depression I try to fight it but usually end up losing. After I have fought so long and hard I feel like i have given up and find myself in a darkened depressed state of being.
I know I have described my depression before and know it can be a graphic tale to tell but I find that sharing this with others helps me to fight harder the next time it happens. Trapped inside my own mind you would think I would find my soul. I search down the cobwebbed corridors of my own body but find no one to comfort me. Inside trapped like a prisoner of my own creation locked away in solitary confinement for crimes I never committed. I am alone and lost for the duration of this depressed state of being. Have I given in to the darkness? Is this the crime I have committed to suffer this punishment?
Giving into the darkness is not an option for a bipolar sufferer to choose. This is forced upon us well and true against our own will. I know from experience that if I could throw this awful illness away I would, and at times I thought that I had, but like a boomerang it comes back every time.
Understanding that the darkness is a very lonely place, I had to feel a little sorrow for our little imp Rumple. The one true difference between us and him is that he chose to embrace the darkness and I am only forced to visit from time to time. So in a way my journey is long and full of suffering, but I can always look back at manic and depressed episodes I have lived and say truly "Once Upon A Time."