Ok so this is a deeply disturbing topic to write about. This is the type of topic that nobody wants to hear about or deal with. So, let’s talk about it. Let’s discuss suicide.
If you really want to know about suicide then you need to hear it from someone who’s dealt with it. A person who has been there and attempted suicide and knows what it feels like. That person is unfortunately me. Suicide isn’t just a cop out. It isn’t a way to just say screw you to the world. It’s not even a way to escape life or run away from your troubles. Suicide in many ways is a cure, it’s a way to gain control of life. Suicide is welcomed by so many for its shining light of hope for a peaceful rest. I know you are saying, “what? This guy must be nuts.” Nope, just honest.
Being that depressed and feeling all that pain for so long is just exhausting. To love in complete darkness and to feel so lost is not only terrible, horrifying, and depressing it’s also painful. Many people just look to suicide as a way of regaining that control they just couldn’t have in life. It’s a form of rebirth in their minds.
Think about your darkest moments in life. Think about a time when all you see was complete darkness and only feel pain. Think of a moment when you felt all hope was gone forever and only that feeling you had was going to last forever. That feeling of utter darkness, despair, loneliness, uselessness. Now magnify these emotions and feelings and maybe then you’ll understand the depression that bipolar disorder can do to a person.
On the other hand looking into the manic side of things all these emotions can just shoot straight up into a paranoid manic. Taking all these feelings and adding lack of sleep and worrying about everything with racing thoughts and you have a recipe for suicide in a heartbeat. At that one moment when all you want is to gain control and find peace it’s a pretty good looking option.
People just are way to cruel and coincided to understand what a mentality I’ll person feels. Pointing fingered and saying suck it up, think positive just doesn’t help. Making fun of someone who has bipolar disorder is just wrong. Telling them to change their outlook is like telling someone with diabetes to tell their pancreas to work again. It’s not how things work in the medical field.
Being suicidal is considered taboo. When someone says they want to commit suicide we rush them to the hospital and lock them away for a few days to treat them. That’s understandable of course to try to help them. But the fact remains that everyone deserves peace and rest, and if they’ve been fighting this disease for a long time then I say let them have the rest they deserve. When someone dies of cancer it’s a tragedy but they are remembered for fighting the good fight. When someone dies from bipolar they are remembered for taking the easy way out and that’s not fair.
Suicide is a dark and scary place that no coward ever wants to see. The utter silence and lack of emotion that it takes to walk down that dark road is terrifying. The monster within will claw and tear at your soul the whole way. Everyone has a demon to wrestle but at times the demon will trick you into becoming its friend and easily overcome you. If suicide is the only way for peace from this fight then I feel those people deserve the same respect to die with dignity as anyone else.